And then there were four....almost.

So, clearly it's been months and months since I've blogged. So much has happened and life has been insane, so blogging has been at the bottom of the list lately. I'm determined to get back into it and do a better job of updating family and friends on life in the Spaetzel household. I am 5 weeks away from meeting our newest addition, and 5 weeks away from being a full-time stay-at-home mom. I have such mixed emotions over both, but am looking forward to whatever adventures these new changes will bring.

As some of you know from this blog or day to day interactions with our family, Jayden has been the light and joy of our lives! He keeps us on our toes, challenges our parenting skills - or what we think are parenting skills - and makes us laugh and love him more then we can express! He has always been so very special and often makes us wonder what he will become one day when he's all grown up and on his own. It's no secret that Jayden was a tough little one. He was colicy, high-needs, always wanting to be held. He did not sleep through the night until he was 16 months old. He breastfeed until recently at around 22 months, and requires a lot of both me and Matt. That's not to say that every child requires a lot of their parents, but Jayden is really good at needing someone ALL the time! :) Regardless of how difficult some of this time has been, I wouldn't change one minute of it for anything in the world. I love Jayden for who he is and have loved being his mom from the very start. God blessed us with such a beautiful, healthy, sensitive, caring, independent, and loving little man.

Now, that being said, I would be lying if I didn't tell you how terrified I am at bringing another kiddo into the equation. In fact, I talk to Matt all the time about what he thinks our lives will be like. I know that there are families all over the world who have 2, 3, 4 plus kids in their home at the same time and all in a row. They all survive and go on to figure out this parenting-more-than-one-kid-at-a-time, thing. It does exist. But, do those families have a Jayden?!

In the beginning, I anticipate chaos, but at least I'll have my wonderful husband home for a couple weeks. My mom will then come in for an additional 3 weeks, and I'm sure we'll have a few more out of town family visitors to help make things more smooth. But at some point, I'm going to have to be alone with 2 kids! The breastfeeding thing makes me a bit nervous as well - only because I remember how much time I spent trying to figure it out with Jayden for the first few months. It seemed like all I was, was a milk making machine. We'd nurse for what seemed like 45 minutes to an hour every time. I'd cry, maybe sleep for a minute and we'd nurse all over again - constantly, around the clock, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. How does nursing on that schedule work with an almost 2 year old who takes one nap?  Ahh! This is going to be fun!

Besides for the breastfeeding, Matt and I practice attachment parenting. How does that work with 2 kids? I have loved the parenting style that we seemed to have adopted, but it's no secret that it can be exhausting. Co-sleeping, nursing on demand, baby wearing, cloth diapering, not sleep training - pretty much craziness! Let's just pick the most difficult way to parent and see how sane we are in the end. AP revolves around meeting the immediate needs of our little ones, and I readily admit that it can make you a little nuts while you're in it! So, let's start taking bets on who is going to loose their mind first - me or Matt?!

As terrified as I am, I know we will eventually get into a routine of some sort and life will feel "normal" again - like it does now. We have an amazing little sleeper and overall a very well-adjusted happy toddler. I know we can get here again, someday! In the meantime, I should probably take one thing at a time as it comes. The reality is getting this baby out of me is the immediate need. For those of you that remember Jayden's crazy quick, intense, and no time for any relief labor, I hope to have a much calmer story this time around. We'll see what sense of humor God has with this next one!

Enough is Enough!

Yikes! Where do I even begin? You know I have to comment on the craziness of this controversial TIME cover. I am sad and angry that this cover has created so much debate between parenting styles and choices. I am frustrated that this mom thought this would be a good representation of what attachment parenting looks like. This is an extreme!! It's an extreme version of what this mom chooses to do in her home. It is NOT a fair or accurate overview of what attachment parenting looks like for everyone. Frankly, it gives attachment parenting and extended breastfeeding a bad name.

Nothing about this picture makes me think of nurture or affection. Mom is practically glaring at the camera as if to say, "I'm the perfect mom for breastfeeding this long, what the heck is the matter with you?!" Obviously TIME magazine was going for the shock factor, at the expense of parents who really do love and understand attachment parenting. Now, we all look nuts!

I am not shy about the fact that I have continued to breastfeed Jayden past the age of one. I have done so because it's been comfortable and natural for both of us to continue. I have no idea how long we will do this or what it will look like when we come to a place that nursing is no longer the norm. I do know that it's a very personal decision for each family and that no one should judge when enough is enough. I also know that it has to be comfortable for both mom and baby. One of my closest girlfriends decided around 8 months to wean because nursing was just a struggle between her and her baby. It was filled with biting and a variety of gymnastic moves on the part of her little one. It was just time. My other good friend nursed her two little ones until they turned 3. Regardless of what age, each mom made a decision that worked perfectly for her family.

The mom in this cover photo is clearly making a choice for her family. I don't appreciate the way she shared this choice. I could see if maybe the child was sitting on her lap and they were looking at one another, or in a more natural position. Or maybe this mom really does nurse her 3 year old standing on a chair wearing a trendy outfit and looking "oh so cool." Good for her, but most mom's I know do not nurse this way.

There is an overall basic idea behind the meaning of attachment parenting. Beyond those key points, it's personalized for what works in your family. No two families parent exactly the same. I recently saw a Facebook post that summed up AP well:

"Attachment parenting just means you hold your kid when he or she needs holding, for as long as they need holding. It means slings and kangaroo pouch holders and carrying them instead of putting them in a stroller or letting them fuss for a while...because you think it'll somehow toughen them up. It means breastfeeding until at least a full year and if you're following the World Health Organization guidelines, until age two. It means not ignoring them when they cry and realizing not all kids can be left on their own to fend for themselves as infants or toddlers. It can -- but doesn't have to -- mean co-sleeping (in bed), which in my case was the only way to get any sleep while nursing."

I love how this mom described what attachment parenting typically looks like. Attachment parenting is about being responsive to a child’s needs for closeness, not about interfering with their natural drive toward independence. I believe that little ones need a solid foundation of closeness before authentic, age-appropriate independence can take place.

The theme of my blog always seems to go back to this statement. YOU need to do what feels right in YOUR family! Please don't assume that all breastfeeding attachment moms look like the one in this cover story. Please understand that every family is different and works their butt off parenting the best they can for their babies. Period! Why all the hate? Why all the judgement? Please do your own research and learn about the benefits of extended breastfeeding before passing judgements on mom's who chose to continue nursing past the age of 1. I will end with this awesome article that takes a look at some of those benefits. Educate yourself on anything parenting before you make a negative comment or harsh judgement on what a mom, or dad, decides to do in loving on their baby. After all, Jayden is one of the happiest, independant, loving, and social babies I know. :)  Extended breastfeeding and attachement parenting has worked for us and we are a very happy family. Isn't that all that matters in the end? 

http://voices.yahoo.com/happy-healthy-baby-benefits-extended-breastfeeding-259621.html?cat=25

Nighttime Parenting

Let me start out by saying that this blog is not intended to offend anyone. This post is about the type of parenting style that we choose to use in our household and all the unsolicited advice that we have received since parenting this way.

Lately, I have been reading a lot of posts, tweets, and blogs about babies and sleep. It's no secret that Matt and I do not believe in sleep training. I am passionate about the research that looks at babies, brain development, and sleep. The conclusion for our family is that sleep training is not something we will ever use. It seems to cause a great deal of stress to the baby and, for us, it just doesn't feel right.

For Matt and I, when we hear Jayden crying at night, this means there is need that he has and it's our job as his mom and dad to help him with whatever that need may be. I know how controversial this topic can be for parents. I'm fascinated by this topic, since I almost always continue to get advice about letting my baby cry it out, or mom's asking if I did it in the first place.

What's most interesting to me is that when mom's give this advice, it is almost always followed up with a statement that sounds something like: "listening to your baby cry during this whole sleep training time is heartbreaking, but definitely worth it in the end." I struggle with this statement. If it's difficult to listen to your little one crying for hours every night, and your instinct is telling you how much it sucks, why is this such a great plan? And who is this great plan really for?

Now let me be clear, this is not a post intended to start a debate about sleep training. After all, what really matters in the end is that YOU are doing what's right for YOUR family! I just don't understand the advice that people give Matt and I, when it begins with how hard it will be to listen to our baby cry.

I wanted to blog about the idea that so many parents struggle with feeling like they have failed a portion of the parenting quiz if their little one isn't sleeping "perfectly," or even "well" for that matter. I think there are more parents out there than we know who do not have a baby that sleeps perfectly. It makes it seem that those of us whose babies are not sleeping well by a certain age have done something wrong in our parenting. In our society, we hear and talk about all the "good sleepers" and reward ourselves with accolades once we've accomplished this task of getting our babies to sleep though the night (or take nice long naps throughout the day). Our pediatricians make us feel bad if our babies aren't sleeping a certain amount of hours by x amount of months. In fact, they may advise you to "let him cry, he'll learn that it's time to sleep, period." This was the wonderful unsolicited advice that our pediatrician gave to us.

Parent's who don't use a CIO method often feel bad about the fact that their child doesn't sleep well and on top of that, they don't feel like they have a right to even complain for a minute when they are struggling. As a mom parenting a high needs baby, I have definitely had my share of frustrating and tiring evenings. Last night, for example, it took Matt and I over an hour to get Jayden to sleep. He was just having a clingy, please don't put me down by myself in my crib, kind of night. Now to be fair, he has been sick this past week, but this is not the first time we have had a long haul at putting Jayden to bed. I'm tired and spent, but I knew, in my heart, that Jayden needed something and that is why he cried every time we put him down. After trying an array of things, he finally fell soundly asleep with his favorite blanket, happily until morning.

I think what I struggle with the most is that parents whose babies are not "good sleepers" often feel alone, stressed out, and frustrated, especially if they are choosing not to use a cry it out method. They don't always have a lot of support from family, since many of their family members are the ones telling them to use cry it out. They often do not feel like they have anyone to talk to since everyone seems to have a "good sleeper."  Plus, everyone seems to have done some type of sleep training to get there. It's interesting because I can think of 3 new mom friends who have shared how much grief they have gotten from other parents, or their families, about how poorly their child sleeps and that they just need to let their baby cry. This seems to imply that it's the parent's fault that their child isn't sleeping well. Let's not take into account that some babies are just not great sleepers. Forcing them to do so, would be exhausting, stressful and difficult. In the end, there are many families who do sleep training and at some point in the development and growth of their baby, the sleeping is no longer "perfect." Babies go through growth spurts, teething, sickness, loneliness, nightmares, temperature changes, and an endless list of a 1/2 dozen other things, causing their sleep cycle to be disrupted.

There is no question that Jayden is a high-needs baby. The challenges that this little man has brought into our lives are filled with his surprising need for such little sleep, constant motion and movement every second of the day, and his determination to do what it is he wants to do. He is not a child that would have successfully made it through a CIO trial. His personality would have been stifled, in my opinion, and his spirit would have changed. Of course, I am banking on the fact that our next baby will be an AMAZING sleeper! Ha, and if that's not the case, you may find me drinking a bottle of wine every single night. No, but seriously, every child is so different, which means our chances are good. :)

In the end, aside from doing what feels right for your family, it's important to not push what you do on other people's families. We feel comfortable and confident in the choices we are making as Jayden's parents. We see his Independence and confidence developing because of our attachment parenting style. We are human, so of course we'll have frustrating times and the CIO method may even sounds good to us in those moments. But, I am comforted in the fact that Jayden will not always be little and he will not always want me to rock or nurse him to sleep. So I enjoy these moments while they are still around.

Now let's check in with our busy little man...

10 years...

Has it really been 10 years?! I can't believe my birth son is 10 years old today! What an amazingly beautiful baby boy he was! Tears fill my eyes as I remember those first few moments, just he and I. After a long night of waiting for him to come, he was finally here and he looked perfect! I am so grateful to God who gave me the strength to get through my pregnancy during my final college years, meet and pick out a family, and place my son for adoption. It was a scary, lonely, and a sad time in my life, but the ending...what a perfect ending!

God knew the plans for this little one, He knew the plans for me! He knew that Andrew's parents would be the perfect family for him. He knew that I would go through the grief and come out on the other side happy and thankful for my choice. He knew that I would have an incredible bond with Tom and Karen, who are such special people in my heart. He knew that Andrew would have a little brother from Korea a few years later and that they would have the best life growing up together in such a loving home. He knew that Andrew and I would have an open adoption and be in each other's lives forever. God knew exactly what the plan was, and I am so blessed to have gone through what I did.

My path has been shaped by that time and those choices. I have spent the last 5 years working with mamas in crisis just like I found myself in college. I have loved on them, supported them, and walked with them through the challenges of an unplanned pregnancy. I understand the fear, the hurt, the sadness, the hopelessness. But, I also understand that there is light, hope, and endless possibilities when you give everything over to God. It's amazing what His love, grace, and mercy can do in your life. I am proof that out of difficult situations comes peace and joy.

I love you Andrew. I love you SO much that I made the best plan that I knew to give you a life of happiness and contentment. I would have loved to be your mama for life, but I understood that giving you the things that I could not provide at the time, were so much more important than trying to figure it out along the way. For me, it was important that you had a mom AND a dad, that you had no financial stresses to worry about. It was important that you had a mom who could stay at home with you, spoil you, hold you, and play with you whenever you needed it. It was important that you had everything that I would have wanted to give you and just was not in the best place in my life to do so.

What is special Andrew, is that I have been able to get my life together since that moment I said goodbye to you. I have been able to get on a great path and give back to others. I've been able to fall in love with a beautiful man who thinks you are just the most special 10 year old kid around.  I have been able to grow in Christ's love and deepen my relationship with God. I have been able to have a beautiful baby who is now your 1/2 brother and we are excited for you to meet him this summer. I have been able to be a special person in your life and you in mine. I thank God for your mom and dad, your baby brother, and you, everyday!!

Happy Birthday, Andrew! 10 years has flown by. What a pleasure it has been to see you grow over these 10 years. May God continue to bless you and keep you safe and happy. I love you always and forever!

In Love

I'm in love with this face forever!! What happiness and adventure you have brought to this home baby J. I just wanted to celebrate you with these beautiful pictures taken by our friend, Kristen. Looking forward to all the years ahead with you and our wonderful family! Mama loves you!!

 

Dear Jayden

Dear Jayden,

I simply cannot believe that you are a one year old already! What happened to that first year! I remember the moment I woke up at 2:30am on February 17th and knew that it was time. You were on your way, ready or not. Your dad and I were so excited those last few weeks. We tried waiting patiently for you (well your dad was patiently waiting), but I was so impatient! I could not wait to hold you, love you, rock you, and have you in our arms. I woke up that early morning with some wicked contractions. And since we had a false alarm two weeks previous, I took my time in thinking about going to the hospital just yet. After walking around the house for a bit and trying to lay back down to go to sleep, I discovered that this was indeed the real deal! My contractions where minutes apart and getting stronger as I got dressed. By the time your dad loaded the car and made sure everything was in order for our dog Willow, I was in full blown labor.

We raced to the car and thankfully it was 3:30 in the morning, so driving 95mph down the 101 was not a problem. It was a good thing too, Jayden, because I thought I might have you right there in that car. I counted each exit, breathing through contractions, and kept asking your dad how many more exits until ours. We pulled into the lot and jumped out of the car. It was a cold night, even though the days were a perfect 70 degrees. We rushed into the hospital doors where your dad told the security guard at the front desk that we were on our way to labor and delivery. I was unable to speak much at that point and kept thinking that all I wanted was an epidural the second we got up to the floor. Ha, the joke was on me with that thought! :)

Once we arrived on the floor and were whisked away into a triage room, I quickly got my gown on and continued to breathe through each contraction. I would say that at that point I lost some control and may have actually been hyperventilating. You see, little man, you were ready and I was not prepared for just how fast everything was about to happen. As a nurse came into the room to put an IV in my hand, she told me to "stop breathing so hard, you'll hyperventilate." What I really wanted to do was punch her in the face, but of course I simply told her I was trying my best. The next nurse came into the room and told me that she would be calling my doctor and that you would be here in the next 30-40 minutes. What!! Wait, what about my epidural, to get me in a calm and relaxed place, to get this crazy intense "I feel like I'm going to die" pain under control?!? Ha! Oh Jayden, you knew exactly when you were ready and there was no time for this and that...it was time to get it together, mama!

As your dad and I were wheeled down the hall to a delivery room, the nurse shared with us just how busy that night in the labor and delivery was. It was a full moon, and babies were being born left and right. Your dad was excited, nervous, and handling me and my panic so very well! He did his very best to try and calm me, love me, and remind me that I could do this. He was in one word - amazing!

Well, son, there is not much more to this story, other than you showed up about 40 minutes after we arrived at that hospital. It was the fastest delivery in the history of deliveries. Ok, I'm sure that's not true, but it was unbelievably fast! There was no epidural after all, but in the end, I loved that! And, as crazy as this sounds, I'd like to do it that way next time (well, as long as your brother or sister has a plan like yours).

It's true that having a baby changes everything. Oh and what a challenging little baby you were, Jayden. As much as I fantasized about what life would look like with a new baby, I understood the realities as well. I knew that we would never know what sleep was again, or how difficult leaving you with a sitter may feel like, or how eating a meal would look totally different than actually sitting down nicely and enjoying it. But once you came, my eyes filled with tears and my heart exploded with happiness. You were perfect and your dad and I in complete love with you, as tiny as you were. I say tiny because now you are enormous my little one year old!

The first few days were perfect! It was you, me and your dad in our safe little cocoon of joy. Such special memories that I will always and forever hold onto. Giving you your first bath - oh what a sight that was! Your dad and I were nervous because you were so helpless and tiny. We locked ourselves in the bathroom, turned on the shower so the room was like a sauna so it was warm and cozy for you. We loaded up your baby bath with a million blankets to make it soft and comfy, and placed you gently inside. I don't think you really got that clean since we were afraid to uncover your tiny body completely for fear of making you cold. In the end it was the experience that your dad and I had together with our first beautiful baby. You must have peed on the bed about 50 times that first week, but we laughed and enjoyed that special time as a family. I thought to myself often that this time will never be repeated since you are our very first. The next time around, we'll have you running the house with a newborn. Ha, that will be a sight one day!

Jayden, you have brought your dad and I endless contentment. We have LOVED every moment with you this first year, even the ones where we thought we would lose our minds from your colic. You were a challenging baby, but we feel like we can handle any baby now! So thank you for that! God gave us the most perfect, difficult, lovable, non-sleeping, beautiful, happy baby boy for our family. We are blessed. This first year has been filled with the ups and downs of figuring out this whole parenting things. We have more love in our hearts for you than we can even describe in words.

So, I end with our wishes, hopes, prayers, and dreams for you. We want you to know God, love Jesus, have happiness, be kind, enjoy life, work hard, and be proud of being you! We will walk alongside you through this entire journey for as long as we can. Thank you Jayden for bringing laughter and love into our home and lives every single day! We love you always and forever no matter what!

Love,
Mama

Love All

Matt and I often talk about how we plan to raise our children. We discuss the importance of truth in our family, how my children will know about my beautiful birth son and his family. There will be no secrets or hidden stories as to what challenges life has handed Matt and I, and how we learned from our mistakes. We share our fears in what the world can do to our children, but know that we will do everything in our power to give our little ones the tools they need to be successful. And most importantly, we pray that they make the best choices and decisions when it comes to drugs, sex, and friends. We try not to worry too much, since we know that together as a team we will do our very best, and the rest is in God's hands.

Most recently, thanks to the wonderful world of Pinterest, Matt and I created our top 5 Spaetzel family rules. We sat down one evening after Jayden was soundly and sweetly sleeping, the dog had been walked, the dishes done, and a quiet moment for my hubby and I. We talked about what we wanted to teach our children and what would be the most important of these lessons. More than the accomplishments they will strive for in their own lives, Matt and I want our children to understand the importance of what they can do for others. We want to make sure they understand these five rules are the basis of what this family is about.

-Love Jesus: Knowing Him and how much he loves us, will give our children the understanding of how much they need to love others and never judge. Jesus loves all and so should our family. We are not above, better, or more perfect than anyone! My children will know that regardless of what controversies are out there and what messages the world may be telling them about a type of person or situation, they are to love all, just as Jesus did. After all, who did Jesus surround himself with? The Bible tells us that Jesus spent his time with the people whom the world called worthless, rejected by society, and those who felt unloved. Our children need to understand that they are not God and will not be the ones to judge the character of someone else. I also understand that nobody is perfect and that we will judge others. That is why we need Jesus and his love, grace, and mercy.

-Be Thankful: This is a big one! Regardless of how much or how little it seems that we have, we are truly blessed. We want our babies to know how thankful we need to be for what we have been given. We live in a country where we are free to do and say what we want, (with respect to our laws) without persecution or death, fear of being punished for our beliefs, or bombs going off right outside our front door. We have a home filled with love, family who adores us, and friends who bring joy to our hearts. What more could we want or need, for that matter. Teaching the concept of thankfulness is something Matt and I will never stop doing.

-Dream Big: Shoot for the stars and beyond! I know that sound cliche', but we want our children to know that they can do whatever they have in their hearts to do! What is their passion? What excites them inside? What gifts has God blessed them with that they will wake up everyday using? Matt and I want to encourage, foster, and remind our children to dream big in whatever their hearts desire.

-Show Love, Kindness, and Generosity to All: Despite what you all may think (ha), I was never part of the popular group at school. In fact growing up was tough at times for me. My dad is black and my mom is white, giving me the most awful combination of hair anyone could ever ask for. Even now as an adult, I spend hours at the hair salon putting chemicals on my head to straighten this crazy fro of mine. I was often made fun of for being different. I just didn't look like everyone else. Fair skin, kinky hair, big lips, and a ghetto booty-that's what I'm made of. And, as much as I appreciate and love my uniqueness now, as a child, it was tough. Sadly, some of the awful memories I have are of other kids picking on me, making fun of me, or passing around ruthless notes about how ugly, stupid, or unpopular I really was. It breaks my heart to think that Jayden may someday be subjected to the mean spirit of people in the world. So, in an effort to teach him something about love, kindness, and generosity, our family rule is to BE love, kindness, and generosity at all times with all people. Showing others love may help brighten their spirit and in turn they will also show others love. It's a pay it forward, kill em with kindness kind of rule. Just love on each other, people!

-Take Care of Each Other, Always: Remembering that as a family we need to be there for each other, lift one another up, support, encourage, and respect one another. If we can't do it in our family, how can we possibly share it with the world. Such a simple lesson and yet many struggle with it. My amazing mom always shared this thought with my brother and I. Being kind to each other will teach us to be kind to the world. Thank you mama.

So, there you have it! Our Spaetzel family rules. We will have them on our wall today, tomorrow, and always, to remind this family of how we should be living our lives. I know we'll make mistakes and that not one of us is perfect, but Matt and I will forever try to teach our babies to to be selfless in their actions and hearts. Simply put, to love all!

My two LEAST favorite questions...

Well, once again I am WAY behind on blogging. It's really not a plan of mine to be blogging once every four months, but life is just crazy most weeks. As a full time mommy and work from home employee, day to day life is filled with emails, phone calls, baby play, rocking my little one to sleep for naps, cleaning, cooking, laughing, loving, and stressing over getting all my work done. Despite all the chaos, I love my life and am grateful for the opportunity to be at home with my son. God has blessed us immensely, and I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.

Being Jayden's mom is something that continues to make my heart smile. I can only imagine how much more fun Matt and I are in store for as Jayden continues to explore, grow, and change into a lovable toddler. In the meantime, I'd like to blog about something that has been driving me a little insane lately. As a new mom, it's pretty common to hear lots of the same questions, "Do you stay at home with your baby or do you work?", "How do you like being a mom?", and the ever famous, "When are you having another one?" The two questions that I hear most often, however, and that really seem to get under my skin lately are:

1) How long do you plan on nursing your baby?

and, wait for it...

2) Is he sleeping through the night yet?

We have chosen to do things a bit differently in our house. As I've shared in many of my previous posts, we are BIG attachment parenting parents. I have complete respect for whatever parenting style families choose, as long as their child has his/her needs met and is loved. The two questions that drive me the most crazy have a lot to do with our parenting style. So, to make things clear, here are my answers:

1) For as long as Jayden wants to nurse

2) No, he is not, AND I'm okay with that

Jayden has always been a high needs baby. From the moment he was born, he was a challenging little one for Matt and I. His newborn days were quite insane and we really didn't know if we would survive them - for real! But, Jayden eventually learned how to crawl at about 6 months and walk around 9 1/2 months and is now the happiest baby on the planet - well on Planet Spaetzel anyway. He just did not like the fact that he couldn't move, or do anything by himself. Ever. He's probably one of the busiest little boys I know. In fact, God must have a sense of humor blessing Matt and I with such a busy baby. It's almost funny how much I don't get done around here. Case in point:

Here's the deal. When it comes to nursing, I understand how much of a personal decision it is. Every mom has the right and choice to do what she feels is best for both her and her baby. In my case, Jayden is a baby who loves to nurse. It's comforting for him, especially at night, and I know how good it is for his little body, brain, and immune system. I have no issues with moms who choose not to breastfeed or decide to stop nursing at certain point. Please know that I'm not judging, nor should you. I think it's interesting that people always want to know how long a mom plans to nurse.  Is it taboo? Is it detrimental to a child if he nurses past a certain age? Does it really matter how long he nurses?

There was a funny saying I read the other day, "My opinion is that anybody offended by breastfeeding is staring too hard." Isn't that the truth?! Jayden is so happy and I LOVE our time together. It's special, and cozy and will one day be non-existent. So, in the meantime, we'll keep doing what works until it's time to stop and do something different.

As far as sleeping, what a crazy controversial topic this has been since I've been a new mom! People get all nuts about this idea of babies and sleep and what they should be doing and when. It's stressful to read all the research out there and have to think, "Am I doing the right thing?" "Is my kid going to be a mess in life from not having the "perfect" sleep habits?" Matt and I have had many conversations about this exact thought.

The thing is, you have to do what works for you and your family! You have to feel good about the choices you make for your kids and just do the best you can. For our little man, he needs some help to sooth himself to sleep. He loves to be rocked, bounced and snuggled before bed. We have never just put him in his crib and let him figure it out. He screamed and cried intensely the one time we tried and it just didn't feel right to us. If our parental instincts tell us that it's too hard and doesn't feel right, then its not going to be something that works for our family.

Jayden loves nursing throughout the night as well. He wakes up 2-4 times a night and immediately falls back to sleep once he's nursing. I don't know what his exact need is in that moment (bad dreams, hungry, cold, lonely), but whatever it is he needs comfort to get back to sleep and I'm happy to give it to him. He sleeps in his crib some nights and with us in our bed other nights. In the end, we do what we need to do, to help everyone get some rest.

We parent the way we do because we feel that this teaches Jayden trust and indepedence. I can remember way back when (10 years ago to be exact..wow, I'm old) attending Western Michigan University and learning about Erikson's Psychosocial Developmental stages in my undergrad Child Development classes. According to Erikson, the entire first year of a babies life is based on trust vs. mistrust. This is the simple concept that a baby learns to trust his caregivers and know that they will meet his immediate needs. Meeting our son's needs does teach him independence, since he'll never have to wonder, worry or question if we will be there. This early lesson gives him confidence and knowledge that we will always be there even when he goes off on his own, something both Matt and I want for him in his life.

So, I end with an article that sums it all up perfectly for our family: http://www.letthebabydrive.com/letthebabydrive/Healthy_Attachment.html

Jayden is a happy, healthy and determined baby and Matt and I feel good about what we are doing to raise him so far (talk to us in about 10 years when we are loosing our minds)!  Does it really matter how long I nurse him or if he's sleeping through the night yet? After all, I don't know any 16 year olds that are still nursing or need to be rocked to sleep at night.