I wouldn't even know where to begin with my list of what I am grateful for in life. God has truly blessed me with an overwhelming amount of love. I wake up next to a man who makes my heart smile every day, hold a beautiful happy baby in my arms day and night, have a house which brings me comfort and relaxation, and work at a job that encourages me to serve and love on others daily. I have to remind myself when I am having one of those tough days, that I really have a great life in this world and instead of worrying, wondering, crying, and whining, I need to be thanking, loving, and keep a servant heart.
There was a time when I thought I would never feel as happy and as grateful as I do now. As a young college student almost 10 years ago, my life was challenging. I made some poor choices and found myself facing an unexpected pregnancy. I felt alone, unsure, and utterly disappointed in myself. I struggled with the guilt of letting my family down. I broke promises I had made to those who loved me and to God. I struggled with body image, self-esteem and self-worth, and discovered that I was not liking who I had become. After spending the entire 9 months of pregnancy trying to figure out what to do, I made a decision.
Sitting in the hospital room with my mom and pregnancy counselor, I shared with them both that I was going to place this perfectly sweet baby boy for adoption. I was going to find a family that could love on him as much as I could and provide for him the things that I could not. I was going to give him a mom and dad who's hearts were SO ready for a baby, but could not have one of their own. I was going to make sure that whomever I chose, they would share with my baby how much I loved him. This family would let him know that this seemingly impossible plan of adoption was made in complete love to give him the very best life possible. My heart ached and still does when I think about that exact moment of realization. But, I have never regretted this decision. I have always known it to be the most selfless decision in putting my baby first and knowing that he deserved more than I could give at that time. And since I have an open adoption with my son (who will be 10 years old this March), I have one more amazing child (and family) to be thankful for!!
I will always be one thankful mama, because I have two baby boys in my life always and forever, whom I love more than life itself. What a beautiful Thanksgiving Day this will be!
