Dear Jayden

Dear Jayden,

I simply cannot believe that you are a one year old already! What happened to that first year! I remember the moment I woke up at 2:30am on February 17th and knew that it was time. You were on your way, ready or not. Your dad and I were so excited those last few weeks. We tried waiting patiently for you (well your dad was patiently waiting), but I was so impatient! I could not wait to hold you, love you, rock you, and have you in our arms. I woke up that early morning with some wicked contractions. And since we had a false alarm two weeks previous, I took my time in thinking about going to the hospital just yet. After walking around the house for a bit and trying to lay back down to go to sleep, I discovered that this was indeed the real deal! My contractions where minutes apart and getting stronger as I got dressed. By the time your dad loaded the car and made sure everything was in order for our dog Willow, I was in full blown labor.

We raced to the car and thankfully it was 3:30 in the morning, so driving 95mph down the 101 was not a problem. It was a good thing too, Jayden, because I thought I might have you right there in that car. I counted each exit, breathing through contractions, and kept asking your dad how many more exits until ours. We pulled into the lot and jumped out of the car. It was a cold night, even though the days were a perfect 70 degrees. We rushed into the hospital doors where your dad told the security guard at the front desk that we were on our way to labor and delivery. I was unable to speak much at that point and kept thinking that all I wanted was an epidural the second we got up to the floor. Ha, the joke was on me with that thought! :)

Once we arrived on the floor and were whisked away into a triage room, I quickly got my gown on and continued to breathe through each contraction. I would say that at that point I lost some control and may have actually been hyperventilating. You see, little man, you were ready and I was not prepared for just how fast everything was about to happen. As a nurse came into the room to put an IV in my hand, she told me to "stop breathing so hard, you'll hyperventilate." What I really wanted to do was punch her in the face, but of course I simply told her I was trying my best. The next nurse came into the room and told me that she would be calling my doctor and that you would be here in the next 30-40 minutes. What!! Wait, what about my epidural, to get me in a calm and relaxed place, to get this crazy intense "I feel like I'm going to die" pain under control?!? Ha! Oh Jayden, you knew exactly when you were ready and there was no time for this and that...it was time to get it together, mama!

As your dad and I were wheeled down the hall to a delivery room, the nurse shared with us just how busy that night in the labor and delivery was. It was a full moon, and babies were being born left and right. Your dad was excited, nervous, and handling me and my panic so very well! He did his very best to try and calm me, love me, and remind me that I could do this. He was in one word - amazing!

Well, son, there is not much more to this story, other than you showed up about 40 minutes after we arrived at that hospital. It was the fastest delivery in the history of deliveries. Ok, I'm sure that's not true, but it was unbelievably fast! There was no epidural after all, but in the end, I loved that! And, as crazy as this sounds, I'd like to do it that way next time (well, as long as your brother or sister has a plan like yours).

It's true that having a baby changes everything. Oh and what a challenging little baby you were, Jayden. As much as I fantasized about what life would look like with a new baby, I understood the realities as well. I knew that we would never know what sleep was again, or how difficult leaving you with a sitter may feel like, or how eating a meal would look totally different than actually sitting down nicely and enjoying it. But once you came, my eyes filled with tears and my heart exploded with happiness. You were perfect and your dad and I in complete love with you, as tiny as you were. I say tiny because now you are enormous my little one year old!

The first few days were perfect! It was you, me and your dad in our safe little cocoon of joy. Such special memories that I will always and forever hold onto. Giving you your first bath - oh what a sight that was! Your dad and I were nervous because you were so helpless and tiny. We locked ourselves in the bathroom, turned on the shower so the room was like a sauna so it was warm and cozy for you. We loaded up your baby bath with a million blankets to make it soft and comfy, and placed you gently inside. I don't think you really got that clean since we were afraid to uncover your tiny body completely for fear of making you cold. In the end it was the experience that your dad and I had together with our first beautiful baby. You must have peed on the bed about 50 times that first week, but we laughed and enjoyed that special time as a family. I thought to myself often that this time will never be repeated since you are our very first. The next time around, we'll have you running the house with a newborn. Ha, that will be a sight one day!

Jayden, you have brought your dad and I endless contentment. We have LOVED every moment with you this first year, even the ones where we thought we would lose our minds from your colic. You were a challenging baby, but we feel like we can handle any baby now! So thank you for that! God gave us the most perfect, difficult, lovable, non-sleeping, beautiful, happy baby boy for our family. We are blessed. This first year has been filled with the ups and downs of figuring out this whole parenting things. We have more love in our hearts for you than we can even describe in words.

So, I end with our wishes, hopes, prayers, and dreams for you. We want you to know God, love Jesus, have happiness, be kind, enjoy life, work hard, and be proud of being you! We will walk alongside you through this entire journey for as long as we can. Thank you Jayden for bringing laughter and love into our home and lives every single day! We love you always and forever no matter what!

Love,
Mama