One Thankful Mama!!

It's been WAY too long, as usual, since my last post. This working from home while being a full time mommy thing is definitely keeping me beyond busy. I wouldn't change anything for the world, however, since I get to love on my little man day and night. So, what better way to get this blog back up and running than beginning with a moment of thanks.

I wouldn't even know where to begin with my list of what I am grateful for in life. God has truly blessed me with an overwhelming amount of love. I wake up next to a man who makes my heart smile every day, hold a beautiful happy baby in my arms day and night, have a house which brings me comfort and relaxation, and work at a job that encourages me to serve and love on others daily. I have to remind myself when I am having one of those tough days, that I really have a great life in this world and instead of worrying, wondering, crying, and whining, I need to be thanking, loving, and keep a servant heart.

There was a time when I thought I would never feel as happy and as grateful as I do now. As a young college student almost 10 years ago, my life was challenging. I made some poor choices and found myself facing an unexpected pregnancy. I felt alone, unsure, and utterly disappointed in myself. I struggled with the guilt of letting my family down. I broke promises I had made to those who loved me and to God. I struggled with body image, self-esteem and self-worth, and discovered that I was not liking who I had become. After spending the entire 9 months of pregnancy trying to figure out what to do, I made a decision.

Sitting in the hospital room with my mom and pregnancy counselor, I shared with them both that I was going to place this perfectly sweet baby boy for adoption. I was going to find a family that could love on him as much as I could and provide for him the things that I could not. I was going to give him a mom and dad who's hearts were SO ready for a baby, but could not have one of their own. I was going to make sure that whomever I chose, they would share with my baby how much I loved him. This family would let him know that this seemingly impossible plan of adoption was made in complete love to give him the very best life possible. My heart ached and still does when I think about that exact moment of realization. But, I have never regretted this decision. I have always known it to be the most selfless decision in putting my baby first and knowing that he deserved more than I could give at that time. And since I have an open adoption with my son (who will be 10 years old this March), I have one more amazing child (and family) to be thankful for!!

I will always be one thankful mama, because I have two baby boys in my life always and forever, whom I love more than life itself. What a beautiful Thanksgiving Day this will be!

Who needs sleep?!

So, I've started this blog like 12 times now, but with what life likes to hand me on a daily basis, it's been tough actually completing any of it! I finally have a little break on a lazy Sunday afternoon to get this out to all you parents out there. My topic this time around...sleep!  Specifically, who the heck needs it anyway?

It's no secret that Jayden was definitely NOT the easiest newborn. He had all kinds of issues - poor baby. As shared in my earlier blog, my overproduction of milk caused some pretty rough tummy troubles for my little man every time he ate. With nursing, you can expect to feed your infant every two or three hours in the beginning, since your milk just goes right through them. So, you can guess how much of our time was spent with a crying newborn.  The tummy troubles gave us the fabulous gift of colic, making our Spaetzel family household a fun place to be for the first 15 weeks of Jayden's life. In addition, he was diagnosed with having some reflux just for kicks. Yes, life in the beginning was a sad state of affairs, but I must admit, I still had moments of utter love when snuggling with that tiny newborn, crying and all.

During those first few months, I just held onto the moments that brought me complete happiness and peace. The days of rocking Jayden on my chest to soft lullaby's and drifting in and out of a light sleep are long gone, but memories that I will forever love. These were the times that got me through it all. Now the idea in my mind of what it would be like with a new baby in our home was NOTHING like the reality that all the colic and lack of sleep brought me. I worked hard for the first eight weeks to attempt to get some kind of routine together. Not a routine for the baby, but for myself in actually functioning outside of newborn land.

We did not have many visitors - simply because I struggled so very much with the whole nursing, new baby, sleep when he sleeps sort of life. I cried more in the first few months of Jayden's life than I had throughout my entire pregnancy. That my friends is a lot of crying, since I was a blubbering mess during pregnancy. I felt frustrated and sad that being a new mom did not come super easy for me. The endless love and caring for Jadyen came easy for me, but understanding how to make that fit into a regular life did not. Going to the store, taking a walk, having visitors stop by - it was all too much for me at first. I eventually figured it out WAY after it seemed that all the other moms had. In my own time, the routine of life eventually fit.

When I finally figured out a routine for myself, and Jayden became a new, happy and content baby (around 4 months), I discovered another issue that began to take over - severe sleep deprivation! I know that most babies bring parents a healthy heaping dose of sleep deprivation from the very start, but Jadyen, well, he's something special when it comes to this area of babyhood. Our child does not like to sleep...ever! From the time he was born (and even in utero), he's always been very active and always wanting to move. He lived in my sleepy wrap for the first 4 months, just so that I could get him to sleep. While I moved, he slept.  But, staying still to rest his little eyes and tired body is obviously just not an option for Jayden. His naps are not any better, as a 20-30 minute power nap a few times a day is all he needs.

Our family is not big on sleep training. And to be honest, the one time I tried to let him cry for a little while, the experience of it all did not go over well for either of us. Jayden is a determined little soul and leaving him to cry-it-out did not end with a sleeping child. He would only accelerate his cries to the point where his whole body was shaking and breathing heavy as he tried to calm himself down. It breaks my heart even to document this horrible experience. I can remember picking up this little baby who had been left to cry alone in his crib. He was so sad, his eyes red from crying and his breath skipping a beat to try and calm down as I held him in my arms. For me, the experience was just as terrible. I'm just the sort of hippie mom who loves to hold and snuggle my baby to sleep, and this was just not for me or my husband.

So, it was on to figuring out another way to soothe our little man into dreamland for an entire night.  I made sure to read about 10 different books on attachment parenting and sleep. The problem is not getting him to sleep each evening, the problem is getting Jayden to stay asleep. A typical night in our house begins with Jadyen being rocked/bounced to sleep around 8:30/9:00. He sleeps in his crib until about midnight or even 1am if we are lucky, and is up about two or three more times until morning. Now we do co-sleep in our house, and with our new king size Tempur-pedic bed, co-sleeping has just become even more wonderful. Jayden, however, has recently started crawling and moving and loves to rule the bed. Now Matt and I find ourselves heading to the nursery to rock/nurse/bounce him back to sleep and place him sweetly back into his crib. We laugh (or cry) when morning comes, replaying the nights events for one another, and trying to see who remembers the actual occurrences of when Jayden work up each time. We play the game of who got up and rocked him last. It's all in fun, since we know we are both exhausted and no one really got a good nights rest.

Will this ever change? Will Jadyen ever get the memo about needing sleep or that his mom and dad would love to sleep more than 4 hours in a row? Well, I can't say that I don't hold out hope. We do have many jokes around this house, Matt and I, about our sleepless child. But in the end, for us, it really doesn't matter. We don't feel like we need a strict routine or plan for our 7 month old. We understand as he gets older things will be a bit different, but for now I think we both appreciate being blessed with a healthy, happy, absolutely adorable (and in my mind, perfect) baby boy. I know that life can be a lot worse and people can have extremely challenging issues to deal with when it comes to parenting. So, we put things in perspective and realize that in the big picture of life, waking up a few times a night during our first few years, is insignificant. The most important thing is that we are enjoying this journey of being new parents together. And to that I say, who needs sleep anyway?!

Hippie Mom

When did I become a hippie mom? That's what I ask myself all the time. I'm a cloth diapering, breastfeeding, baby-wearing, attachment parenting, BLW, co-sleeping mom! If you would have asked me what my life would look like as a parent, not sure this would have been the picture I painted. But, I have to say that I absolutely LOVE it. I can't believe how hard Jayden was as a newborn and how much I thought I would never survive it, let alone add all these other elements into my day to day activities.

Cloth diapering seemed like a great thing that some of my mom friends where doing, but not necessarily something I would have time for. I remember talking to my good friend Jamie about cloth diapers and thinking, "hmm, she's crazy for cloth diapering two kids and taking care of it all by herself." I mean no service, no nanny, no nothing to get those bad boys clean every few days. But, she made it work and, for that matter, made it look doable. So, I introduced this crazy idea to my husband, Matt. And, when I say introduced, I mean told him we were doing it! Matt, being the amazing generous and caring man that he is, told me he would be fine with it, as long as I was patient with him learning how to cloth diaper. The great thing about these diapers are that they are SO not like the ones we all had when we were growing up. Gone are the days of the pins and the rubber pants. Here is link of this wonderful new invention http://www.bumgenius.com/products.php. Although I am still learning about how to make them work perfectly for us, I love using them. Plus I think Jayden looks super cute in the diapers, don't you!

Breastfeeding did not come easy for me - at all!!  I was SO close to quitting bf, except for the fact that I knew in my heart that it was the best thing for Jayden.  So, I stuck it out and fought through the endless nights of sore nipples, utter exhaustion and the fact that I overproduced milk. Now I know there are those of you out there thinking, "Oh how sad for you, you overproduce milk (insert sarcastic tone while reading)."  But the thing is, it really did suck. Jayden's tummy was tiny and ingesting as much milk as he was given at the lightning speed that it was shooting out, was tough on him.  Too much milk at too fast a rate equals very colicy/cranky newborn.  I will say that had I not been told about an absolutely AMAZING lactation consultant, I would have most definitely given up.  Doris came in and literally saved the day!  It took her mere minutes to position Jayden differently easing the nipple pain and giving me great suggestions for the rocket-like milk I was shooting down his throat. Thank the Lord above for great lactation consultants!


Attachment parenting was not necessarily something I decided on pre-baby. I think because of my super-sensitive personality, it was just a natural way for me to parent. Now for all you folks out there scratching your head and wondering, "what the heck is this hippie talking about?"  Attachment parenting is a style of parenting that focuses on forming strong nurturing connections between mom/dad and baby.  It's more of an approach rather than a set of rules or structured steps to follow.  I am very passionate about AP and will most likely write another post about it down the road.  In the meantime, I've attached a link for those of you curious about it. http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/attachment-parenting. I know that there are critics out there who do not agree with AP, but this is what we use in our home and it works wonderfully for us. Everyone has their own style of parenting and I am not here to criticize anyone.  More on AP at a later date.


Now because of the AP and cloth diapering, I figured I might as well go all out and add co-sleeping to the list! It's not as bad as you think. We start Jayden every night in his crib and eventually bring him into bed with us whenever he wakes up. Since he's a bf baby, he LOVES nursing throughout the night. I have no intentions of putting him on a schedule or stopping him from nursing if he wants to. I figure this kid is only going to be a baby for so long and I'm only going to be nursing him for so long and the cuddles/snuggles that I love SO much are only going to happen for so long, so I say bring on the co-sleeping. The thing is, he and I actually sleep much better co-sleeping than not. If I did it differently, Jayden would still be waking up at some point during the night and I would still have to get my self up and into his room to feed him, so why not make it easy on all of us and just sleep in the same bed.  This way he nurses when he wants, and I sleep when I want. Plus, we have the added bonus of lots of snuggles. I must say, that is my all time favorite thing to do with this little man. I actually look forward to sleeping next to him. Of course, we have our dog joining us as well so it's an all around party in the Spaetzel bedroom every night! There will come a day when Jayden sleeps in his own room all night long and my hippie self will shed a tear and tuck him in. Until then, bonding, attachment, and co-sleeping is where we're at.


BLW stands for baby led weaning. Again, it's an approach of transitioning your kid from strictly breastfeeding to eating solids. It's skipping the puree/baby food/rice cereal stages and just serving them fresh fruits and veggies. We have just started this adventure with Jayden a few days ago. Again, my hippie self read a book about it and thought, why not! It makes sense for us because we want Jayden to be eating table food at some point anyway. The book talks about how good it is for them to learn to chew from the get go (where puree does not promote that) and they learn and experiment with colors, flavors, textures and types of food. So far we have given Jayden broccoli, squash, cantaloupe, watermelon, banana, avocado, and chicken. He seems to be a fan of the chicken, broccoli and squash. This is REAL good for Matt and I as we say goodbye to our Chik-Fil-A and blizzards. With BLW we cut everything into 2inch long strips (or leave it whole, like the broccoli) and let Jayden go to town. Right now he is mainly sucking the juices out of everything and playing around with the use of his two bottom teeth. He seems to love exploring and this gives him a positive association with food since it's fun, easy, no pressure and he does it himself. The hippie part in me just lets him make a mess and try anything and everything that we are eating that day (with the obvious No-No's like nuts and peanut butter). The key is to give him healthy, natural, whole foods. I'm liking the no prep action. Here's a video of Jayden trying fruit at lunch this past Saturday.

As I wrap up this first novel of mine, I end with a little something about baby wearing.  Genius!!  Genius for the simple fact that I don't have to carry a baby around all day and I can still do the things that need to get done. I love having him up with me anyway so that he can explore the world around him. It's also great when we are out and about so that I can grocery shop and carry other items, and it keeps him super happy.  He can face out to look around or in to take a nap. Thanks to my friend Erin for telling us about this cool contraption below.

So, that's me...hippie mom.  Loving the way this whole parenting thing turned out - for now anyway.  Those of you with teenagers know I may be changing my tune down the road! :)