10 years...

Has it really been 10 years?! I can't believe my birth son is 10 years old today! What an amazingly beautiful baby boy he was! Tears fill my eyes as I remember those first few moments, just he and I. After a long night of waiting for him to come, he was finally here and he looked perfect! I am so grateful to God who gave me the strength to get through my pregnancy during my final college years, meet and pick out a family, and place my son for adoption. It was a scary, lonely, and a sad time in my life, but the ending...what a perfect ending!

God knew the plans for this little one, He knew the plans for me! He knew that Andrew's parents would be the perfect family for him. He knew that I would go through the grief and come out on the other side happy and thankful for my choice. He knew that I would have an incredible bond with Tom and Karen, who are such special people in my heart. He knew that Andrew would have a little brother from Korea a few years later and that they would have the best life growing up together in such a loving home. He knew that Andrew and I would have an open adoption and be in each other's lives forever. God knew exactly what the plan was, and I am so blessed to have gone through what I did.

My path has been shaped by that time and those choices. I have spent the last 5 years working with mamas in crisis just like I found myself in college. I have loved on them, supported them, and walked with them through the challenges of an unplanned pregnancy. I understand the fear, the hurt, the sadness, the hopelessness. But, I also understand that there is light, hope, and endless possibilities when you give everything over to God. It's amazing what His love, grace, and mercy can do in your life. I am proof that out of difficult situations comes peace and joy.

I love you Andrew. I love you SO much that I made the best plan that I knew to give you a life of happiness and contentment. I would have loved to be your mama for life, but I understood that giving you the things that I could not provide at the time, were so much more important than trying to figure it out along the way. For me, it was important that you had a mom AND a dad, that you had no financial stresses to worry about. It was important that you had a mom who could stay at home with you, spoil you, hold you, and play with you whenever you needed it. It was important that you had everything that I would have wanted to give you and just was not in the best place in my life to do so.

What is special Andrew, is that I have been able to get my life together since that moment I said goodbye to you. I have been able to get on a great path and give back to others. I've been able to fall in love with a beautiful man who thinks you are just the most special 10 year old kid around.  I have been able to grow in Christ's love and deepen my relationship with God. I have been able to have a beautiful baby who is now your 1/2 brother and we are excited for you to meet him this summer. I have been able to be a special person in your life and you in mine. I thank God for your mom and dad, your baby brother, and you, everyday!!

Happy Birthday, Andrew! 10 years has flown by. What a pleasure it has been to see you grow over these 10 years. May God continue to bless you and keep you safe and happy. I love you always and forever!