Being Jayden's mom is something that continues to make my heart smile. I can only imagine how much more fun Matt and I are in store for as Jayden continues to explore, grow, and change into a lovable toddler. In the meantime, I'd like to blog about something that has been driving me a little insane lately. As a new mom, it's pretty common to hear lots of the same questions, "Do you stay at home with your baby or do you work?", "How do you like being a mom?", and the ever famous, "When are you having another one?" The two questions that I hear most often, however, and that really seem to get under my skin lately are:
1) How long do you plan on nursing your baby?
and, wait for it...
2) Is he sleeping through the night yet?
We have chosen to do things a bit differently in our house. As I've shared in many of my previous posts, we are BIG attachment parenting parents. I have complete respect for whatever parenting style families choose, as long as their child has his/her needs met and is loved. The two questions that drive me the most crazy have a lot to do with our parenting style. So, to make things clear, here are my answers:
1) For as long as Jayden wants to nurse
2) No, he is not, AND I'm okay with that
Jayden has always been a high needs baby. From the moment he was born, he was a challenging little one for Matt and I. His newborn days were quite insane and we really didn't know if we would survive them - for real! But, Jayden eventually learned how to crawl at about 6 months and walk around 9 1/2 months and is now the happiest baby on the planet - well on Planet Spaetzel anyway. He just did not like the fact that he couldn't move, or do anything by himself. Ever. He's probably one of the busiest little boys I know. In fact, God must have a sense of humor blessing Matt and I with such a busy baby. It's almost funny how much I don't get done around here. Case in point:
Here's the deal. When it comes to nursing, I understand how much of a personal decision it is. Every mom has the right and choice to do what she feels is best for both her and her baby. In my case, Jayden is a baby who loves to nurse. It's comforting for him, especially at night, and I know how good it is for his little body, brain, and immune system. I have no issues with moms who choose not to breastfeed or decide to stop nursing at certain point. Please know that I'm not judging, nor should you. I think it's interesting that people always want to know how long a mom plans to nurse. Is it taboo? Is it detrimental to a child if he nurses past a certain age? Does it really matter how long he nurses?
There was a funny saying I read the other day, "My opinion is that anybody offended by breastfeeding is staring too hard." Isn't that the truth?! Jayden is so happy and I LOVE our time together. It's special, and cozy and will one day be non-existent. So, in the meantime, we'll keep doing what works until it's time to stop and do something different.
As far as sleeping, what a crazy controversial topic this has been since I've been a new mom! People get all nuts about this idea of babies and sleep and what they should be doing and when. It's stressful to read all the research out there and have to think, "Am I doing the right thing?" "Is my kid going to be a mess in life from not having the "perfect" sleep habits?" Matt and I have had many conversations about this exact thought.
The thing is, you have to do what works for you and your family! You have to feel good about the choices you make for your kids and just do the best you can. For our little man, he needs some help to sooth himself to sleep. He loves to be rocked, bounced and snuggled before bed. We have never just put him in his crib and let him figure it out. He screamed and cried intensely the one time we tried and it just didn't feel right to us. If our parental instincts tell us that it's too hard and doesn't feel right, then its not going to be something that works for our family.
Jayden loves nursing throughout the night as well. He wakes up 2-4 times a night and immediately falls back to sleep once he's nursing. I don't know what his exact need is in that moment (bad dreams, hungry, cold, lonely), but whatever it is he needs comfort to get back to sleep and I'm happy to give it to him. He sleeps in his crib some nights and with us in our bed other nights. In the end, we do what we need to do, to help everyone get some rest.
We parent the way we do because we feel that this teaches Jayden trust and indepedence. I can remember way back when (10 years ago to be exact..wow, I'm old) attending Western Michigan University and learning about Erikson's Psychosocial Developmental stages in my undergrad Child Development classes. According to Erikson, the entire first year of a babies life is based on trust vs. mistrust. This is the simple concept that a baby learns to trust his caregivers and know that they will meet his immediate needs. Meeting our son's needs does teach him independence, since he'll never have to wonder, worry or question if we will be there. This early lesson gives him confidence and knowledge that we will always be there even when he goes off on his own, something both Matt and I want for him in his life.
So, I end with an article that sums it all up perfectly for our family: http://www.letthebabydrive.com/letthebabydrive/Healthy_Attachment.html
Jayden is a happy, healthy and determined baby and Matt and I feel good about what we are doing to raise him so far (talk to us in about 10 years when we are loosing our minds)! Does it really matter how long I nurse him or if he's sleeping through the night yet? After all, I don't know any 16 year olds that are still nursing or need to be rocked to sleep at night.
