A Mama of Three

It's a beautiful Mother's Day morning in the Spaetzel household. Little man is sleeping in and Isabella is in my arms cooing and smiling big! I'm thankful and blessed beyond measure for what God has given me in this life. Everyday, I wake up and my heart is filled with happiness and love. I am married to a beautiful man filled with integrity and selflessness. He takes care of me and loves me more than words can express. I have two gorgeous children who call me mom, and that makes my heart melt everyday. It can be challenging at times and can definitely test every ounce of patience that God gave me, but it's truly a gift from above. I am honored that I get to be the mama to my beautiful Jayden Matthew and Isabella Rose.

 

As you may or may not know, I have another beautiful baby in this world. His name is Andrew and he is already 11 years old as of this past March. During my college years, I was faced with the most challenging time in my life - an unplanned pregnancy. I spent every second of that 9 months praying to God for answers of what I was to do. You see, I have always wanted to be a mom. I always loved babies and children and knew that I would be a mother - one day. I had no idea how much Andrew would change my life once I found out he was growing inside me. After months of seeing a counselor and going back and forth with my choice, I finally made a heartbreaking decision. Sitting in the hospital with my mom and my pregnancy counselor, I made a plan to place Andrew for adoption. This perfect baby who was a few hours old would be someone else's perfect baby to love and raise forever. After taking Andrew home for 6 weeks, nursing him and just loving every minute with him, I found an amazing family whom I knew God had placed into my life to become Andrew's parents.

Although forever in my mind and heart, that is not the story I think about today. The story I celebrate in my heart today is from last summer.  The story of Jayden and Andrew meeting for the very first time. Tears fill my eyes as I think about that day. Every summer, Andrew's family and mine get together to visit and spend some quality time with one another. The first year I had Jayden, Matt and I were unable to meet up with Andrew's family due to conflicting schedules. With them living in Michigan and Matt and I living in Arizona, we do our very best to make it happen each year.

That cloudy Ohio morning, we woke up at Matt's brother's home and packed the car to dive to Toledo with plans to meet at a science center. I remember being filled with many emotions as I talked through it all with Matt on our drive over. What would Andrew think of Jayden? Would he feel angry with me as I now had another baby? Oh how much I hoped for the start of a wonderful relationship between Andrew and Jayden. My worries, anxieties and fears were put on hold the moment I saw my 11 year old birthson. He was beautiful and, wow, big. I remember holding him as a newborn, so every year it always amazes me how much he changes.

Needless to say, the day was perfect! Andrew and I enjoyed some time together playing in one of the science center exhibits and just talking. We had lunch with the whole family and laughed about memories of Andrew at Jayden's age. Matt and I spent time with Andrew's little brother Daniel, who also stole our hearts. I remember thinking, I don't want this day to ever end.

As for what Andrew thought of Jayden, well, I'll leave you with these pictures:

 

What a joyful soul little Andrew has! He took Jayden under his wing and just loved on him. It always amazes me how God knows the perfect plans for us, even when we cannot possibly see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Thank you God for revealing just how perfect your plans always are! My heart is filled and I celebrate this Mother's day with appreciation and an overwhelming love for all three of my babies.

A Two-Year-Old, a Newborn, and One Inexperienced Mama!

Once again, it's been way too long since I've blogged. I thought that it would be easier to blog now that I'm a stay at home mama- ha, boy was I wrong! Life with two has been crazy, fun, insane, interesting, hilarious, chaotic, challenging, and absolutely perfect!

Isabella Rose Spaetzel was born on January 30th and 3:24 pm. She weighed in at a whopping 9lbs 6oz and 21 inches. It's no wonder I was so miserable at the end of my pregnancy. This girl was not playing around - she was planning on filling up every inch of my uterus before making her grand entrance into the world. And we are all so in love with her! Labor lasted about 8 hours and I made it to 8cm before giving in to the epidural. 2 hours later, she arrived!

Jayden has taken some time to adjust, but he is doing well. He loves to mimic the sounds baby Izzy makes, and thinks it fun to hold her, laugh and talk really close to her face, and give her hugs and kisses. He really is so sweet with her and I'm happy to see him doing well with her. I was so stressed about how much his life would change when she arrived. I would talk to Matt about how guilty I felt changing Jayden's little world. Turns out, things are starting to feel like the new normal for us all, which is such a relief.

As for being mom to two little ones, I would be lying if I didn't say it's been a challenge in ways I would have never imagined. I went into it knowing it would be tough, but there are definitely days where I feel like crying along with my two kids. Some days, I live for that nap time.

Last week, we were having a particularly rough morning and by nap time, both kids were completely falling apart. All I could do was laugh since it was such an out of control moment for me. I ended up laying on the couch with Isabella by my side attempting to nurse her, while Jayden was hanging on top of me crying at the top of his lungs. He insisted that I hold him and was making sure to let it be known just how upset he was when I could not. After realizing that nursing was not what Izzy was interested in, I just held them both and started singing a song as they proceeded to loose their minds. I have no doubt we will have more moments like these in the year to come, so in the meantime, all I can do is laugh (or cry) and make the best of each moment. :)

Little Isabella has been such a sweet baby these past 6 weeks. It truly is amazing the difference in each child's personality. Jayden was our high-needs baby, who's needs were often exhausting beyond that of a "typical" newborn.  However, we learned his personality and figured out how to make life work for all of us. Isabella is the complete opposite. Other than having acid reflux (poor little one), she is pretty easygoing, does not need to be held every minute of the day, and already loves to smile and coo when we talk to her. Don't get me wrong, she has her moments, but overall, God blessed us with a laid-back little one. It's a good thing too, because my beautiful baby Jayden is still the firecracker that he has always been.

There is no question that our attachment parenting style is still the way to go for our family. Isabella sleeps snuggled up with me every night and is therefore able to nurse whenever the need arises. I often have her in the wrap, which is also practical since I have Jayden to play with and run after. No doubt that she is happiest in one of our arms, but she does do well in the swing or bouncy seat if I need to get Jayden ready for the day or just spend some time playing cars with him.

The nursing thing has been a little bit easier this time around, not to say I still didn't have some struggles. My milk still shoots out at lightning speed, causing all my babies to eat as fast at they possibly can, while trying not to gulp down too much air or cause the milk to go down the wrong pipe.  I know, sounds like fun. Also, remembering how to nurse my newborn was not as easy as I thought. Jayden nursed throughout most of my pregnancy, self-weaning around my 8th month. I remember thinking I would pick up nursing no problem since I'd been doing it for almost 2 years, but the first night in the hospital proved to be a bit of challenge with latching. Both Isabella and I eventually got the hang of it and are going strong week 6.

Oh how life has changed. Although Matt and I are severely sleep deprived, and I have days that I am counting down the hours until my husband comes home, we are so happy and blessed to have our babies and each other. I would not trade it for anything in the world. Of course, I may need a reminder of that statement as we get ready to enter into our crazy hot summers here in AZ. Oh to be trapped in the house everyday with a 2 year old and a new baby.  The adventure continues.

And then there were four....almost.

So, clearly it's been months and months since I've blogged. So much has happened and life has been insane, so blogging has been at the bottom of the list lately. I'm determined to get back into it and do a better job of updating family and friends on life in the Spaetzel household. I am 5 weeks away from meeting our newest addition, and 5 weeks away from being a full-time stay-at-home mom. I have such mixed emotions over both, but am looking forward to whatever adventures these new changes will bring.

As some of you know from this blog or day to day interactions with our family, Jayden has been the light and joy of our lives! He keeps us on our toes, challenges our parenting skills - or what we think are parenting skills - and makes us laugh and love him more then we can express! He has always been so very special and often makes us wonder what he will become one day when he's all grown up and on his own. It's no secret that Jayden was a tough little one. He was colicy, high-needs, always wanting to be held. He did not sleep through the night until he was 16 months old. He breastfeed until recently at around 22 months, and requires a lot of both me and Matt. That's not to say that every child requires a lot of their parents, but Jayden is really good at needing someone ALL the time! :) Regardless of how difficult some of this time has been, I wouldn't change one minute of it for anything in the world. I love Jayden for who he is and have loved being his mom from the very start. God blessed us with such a beautiful, healthy, sensitive, caring, independent, and loving little man.

Now, that being said, I would be lying if I didn't tell you how terrified I am at bringing another kiddo into the equation. In fact, I talk to Matt all the time about what he thinks our lives will be like. I know that there are families all over the world who have 2, 3, 4 plus kids in their home at the same time and all in a row. They all survive and go on to figure out this parenting-more-than-one-kid-at-a-time, thing. It does exist. But, do those families have a Jayden?!

In the beginning, I anticipate chaos, but at least I'll have my wonderful husband home for a couple weeks. My mom will then come in for an additional 3 weeks, and I'm sure we'll have a few more out of town family visitors to help make things more smooth. But at some point, I'm going to have to be alone with 2 kids! The breastfeeding thing makes me a bit nervous as well - only because I remember how much time I spent trying to figure it out with Jayden for the first few months. It seemed like all I was, was a milk making machine. We'd nurse for what seemed like 45 minutes to an hour every time. I'd cry, maybe sleep for a minute and we'd nurse all over again - constantly, around the clock, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. How does nursing on that schedule work with an almost 2 year old who takes one nap?  Ahh! This is going to be fun!

Besides for the breastfeeding, Matt and I practice attachment parenting. How does that work with 2 kids? I have loved the parenting style that we seemed to have adopted, but it's no secret that it can be exhausting. Co-sleeping, nursing on demand, baby wearing, cloth diapering, not sleep training - pretty much craziness! Let's just pick the most difficult way to parent and see how sane we are in the end. AP revolves around meeting the immediate needs of our little ones, and I readily admit that it can make you a little nuts while you're in it! So, let's start taking bets on who is going to loose their mind first - me or Matt?!

As terrified as I am, I know we will eventually get into a routine of some sort and life will feel "normal" again - like it does now. We have an amazing little sleeper and overall a very well-adjusted happy toddler. I know we can get here again, someday! In the meantime, I should probably take one thing at a time as it comes. The reality is getting this baby out of me is the immediate need. For those of you that remember Jayden's crazy quick, intense, and no time for any relief labor, I hope to have a much calmer story this time around. We'll see what sense of humor God has with this next one!

Enough is Enough!

Yikes! Where do I even begin? You know I have to comment on the craziness of this controversial TIME cover. I am sad and angry that this cover has created so much debate between parenting styles and choices. I am frustrated that this mom thought this would be a good representation of what attachment parenting looks like. This is an extreme!! It's an extreme version of what this mom chooses to do in her home. It is NOT a fair or accurate overview of what attachment parenting looks like for everyone. Frankly, it gives attachment parenting and extended breastfeeding a bad name.

Nothing about this picture makes me think of nurture or affection. Mom is practically glaring at the camera as if to say, "I'm the perfect mom for breastfeeding this long, what the heck is the matter with you?!" Obviously TIME magazine was going for the shock factor, at the expense of parents who really do love and understand attachment parenting. Now, we all look nuts!

I am not shy about the fact that I have continued to breastfeed Jayden past the age of one. I have done so because it's been comfortable and natural for both of us to continue. I have no idea how long we will do this or what it will look like when we come to a place that nursing is no longer the norm. I do know that it's a very personal decision for each family and that no one should judge when enough is enough. I also know that it has to be comfortable for both mom and baby. One of my closest girlfriends decided around 8 months to wean because nursing was just a struggle between her and her baby. It was filled with biting and a variety of gymnastic moves on the part of her little one. It was just time. My other good friend nursed her two little ones until they turned 3. Regardless of what age, each mom made a decision that worked perfectly for her family.

The mom in this cover photo is clearly making a choice for her family. I don't appreciate the way she shared this choice. I could see if maybe the child was sitting on her lap and they were looking at one another, or in a more natural position. Or maybe this mom really does nurse her 3 year old standing on a chair wearing a trendy outfit and looking "oh so cool." Good for her, but most mom's I know do not nurse this way.

There is an overall basic idea behind the meaning of attachment parenting. Beyond those key points, it's personalized for what works in your family. No two families parent exactly the same. I recently saw a Facebook post that summed up AP well:

"Attachment parenting just means you hold your kid when he or she needs holding, for as long as they need holding. It means slings and kangaroo pouch holders and carrying them instead of putting them in a stroller or letting them fuss for a while...because you think it'll somehow toughen them up. It means breastfeeding until at least a full year and if you're following the World Health Organization guidelines, until age two. It means not ignoring them when they cry and realizing not all kids can be left on their own to fend for themselves as infants or toddlers. It can -- but doesn't have to -- mean co-sleeping (in bed), which in my case was the only way to get any sleep while nursing."

I love how this mom described what attachment parenting typically looks like. Attachment parenting is about being responsive to a child’s needs for closeness, not about interfering with their natural drive toward independence. I believe that little ones need a solid foundation of closeness before authentic, age-appropriate independence can take place.

The theme of my blog always seems to go back to this statement. YOU need to do what feels right in YOUR family! Please don't assume that all breastfeeding attachment moms look like the one in this cover story. Please understand that every family is different and works their butt off parenting the best they can for their babies. Period! Why all the hate? Why all the judgement? Please do your own research and learn about the benefits of extended breastfeeding before passing judgements on mom's who chose to continue nursing past the age of 1. I will end with this awesome article that takes a look at some of those benefits. Educate yourself on anything parenting before you make a negative comment or harsh judgement on what a mom, or dad, decides to do in loving on their baby. After all, Jayden is one of the happiest, independant, loving, and social babies I know. :)  Extended breastfeeding and attachement parenting has worked for us and we are a very happy family. Isn't that all that matters in the end? 

http://voices.yahoo.com/happy-healthy-baby-benefits-extended-breastfeeding-259621.html?cat=25

Nighttime Parenting

Let me start out by saying that this blog is not intended to offend anyone. This post is about the type of parenting style that we choose to use in our household and all the unsolicited advice that we have received since parenting this way.

Lately, I have been reading a lot of posts, tweets, and blogs about babies and sleep. It's no secret that Matt and I do not believe in sleep training. I am passionate about the research that looks at babies, brain development, and sleep. The conclusion for our family is that sleep training is not something we will ever use. It seems to cause a great deal of stress to the baby and, for us, it just doesn't feel right.

For Matt and I, when we hear Jayden crying at night, this means there is need that he has and it's our job as his mom and dad to help him with whatever that need may be. I know how controversial this topic can be for parents. I'm fascinated by this topic, since I almost always continue to get advice about letting my baby cry it out, or mom's asking if I did it in the first place.

What's most interesting to me is that when mom's give this advice, it is almost always followed up with a statement that sounds something like: "listening to your baby cry during this whole sleep training time is heartbreaking, but definitely worth it in the end." I struggle with this statement. If it's difficult to listen to your little one crying for hours every night, and your instinct is telling you how much it sucks, why is this such a great plan? And who is this great plan really for?

Now let me be clear, this is not a post intended to start a debate about sleep training. After all, what really matters in the end is that YOU are doing what's right for YOUR family! I just don't understand the advice that people give Matt and I, when it begins with how hard it will be to listen to our baby cry.

I wanted to blog about the idea that so many parents struggle with feeling like they have failed a portion of the parenting quiz if their little one isn't sleeping "perfectly," or even "well" for that matter. I think there are more parents out there than we know who do not have a baby that sleeps perfectly. It makes it seem that those of us whose babies are not sleeping well by a certain age have done something wrong in our parenting. In our society, we hear and talk about all the "good sleepers" and reward ourselves with accolades once we've accomplished this task of getting our babies to sleep though the night (or take nice long naps throughout the day). Our pediatricians make us feel bad if our babies aren't sleeping a certain amount of hours by x amount of months. In fact, they may advise you to "let him cry, he'll learn that it's time to sleep, period." This was the wonderful unsolicited advice that our pediatrician gave to us.

Parent's who don't use a CIO method often feel bad about the fact that their child doesn't sleep well and on top of that, they don't feel like they have a right to even complain for a minute when they are struggling. As a mom parenting a high needs baby, I have definitely had my share of frustrating and tiring evenings. Last night, for example, it took Matt and I over an hour to get Jayden to sleep. He was just having a clingy, please don't put me down by myself in my crib, kind of night. Now to be fair, he has been sick this past week, but this is not the first time we have had a long haul at putting Jayden to bed. I'm tired and spent, but I knew, in my heart, that Jayden needed something and that is why he cried every time we put him down. After trying an array of things, he finally fell soundly asleep with his favorite blanket, happily until morning.

I think what I struggle with the most is that parents whose babies are not "good sleepers" often feel alone, stressed out, and frustrated, especially if they are choosing not to use a cry it out method. They don't always have a lot of support from family, since many of their family members are the ones telling them to use cry it out. They often do not feel like they have anyone to talk to since everyone seems to have a "good sleeper."  Plus, everyone seems to have done some type of sleep training to get there. It's interesting because I can think of 3 new mom friends who have shared how much grief they have gotten from other parents, or their families, about how poorly their child sleeps and that they just need to let their baby cry. This seems to imply that it's the parent's fault that their child isn't sleeping well. Let's not take into account that some babies are just not great sleepers. Forcing them to do so, would be exhausting, stressful and difficult. In the end, there are many families who do sleep training and at some point in the development and growth of their baby, the sleeping is no longer "perfect." Babies go through growth spurts, teething, sickness, loneliness, nightmares, temperature changes, and an endless list of a 1/2 dozen other things, causing their sleep cycle to be disrupted.

There is no question that Jayden is a high-needs baby. The challenges that this little man has brought into our lives are filled with his surprising need for such little sleep, constant motion and movement every second of the day, and his determination to do what it is he wants to do. He is not a child that would have successfully made it through a CIO trial. His personality would have been stifled, in my opinion, and his spirit would have changed. Of course, I am banking on the fact that our next baby will be an AMAZING sleeper! Ha, and if that's not the case, you may find me drinking a bottle of wine every single night. No, but seriously, every child is so different, which means our chances are good. :)

In the end, aside from doing what feels right for your family, it's important to not push what you do on other people's families. We feel comfortable and confident in the choices we are making as Jayden's parents. We see his Independence and confidence developing because of our attachment parenting style. We are human, so of course we'll have frustrating times and the CIO method may even sounds good to us in those moments. But, I am comforted in the fact that Jayden will not always be little and he will not always want me to rock or nurse him to sleep. So I enjoy these moments while they are still around.

Now let's check in with our busy little man...

10 years...

Has it really been 10 years?! I can't believe my birth son is 10 years old today! What an amazingly beautiful baby boy he was! Tears fill my eyes as I remember those first few moments, just he and I. After a long night of waiting for him to come, he was finally here and he looked perfect! I am so grateful to God who gave me the strength to get through my pregnancy during my final college years, meet and pick out a family, and place my son for adoption. It was a scary, lonely, and a sad time in my life, but the ending...what a perfect ending!

God knew the plans for this little one, He knew the plans for me! He knew that Andrew's parents would be the perfect family for him. He knew that I would go through the grief and come out on the other side happy and thankful for my choice. He knew that I would have an incredible bond with Tom and Karen, who are such special people in my heart. He knew that Andrew would have a little brother from Korea a few years later and that they would have the best life growing up together in such a loving home. He knew that Andrew and I would have an open adoption and be in each other's lives forever. God knew exactly what the plan was, and I am so blessed to have gone through what I did.

My path has been shaped by that time and those choices. I have spent the last 5 years working with mamas in crisis just like I found myself in college. I have loved on them, supported them, and walked with them through the challenges of an unplanned pregnancy. I understand the fear, the hurt, the sadness, the hopelessness. But, I also understand that there is light, hope, and endless possibilities when you give everything over to God. It's amazing what His love, grace, and mercy can do in your life. I am proof that out of difficult situations comes peace and joy.

I love you Andrew. I love you SO much that I made the best plan that I knew to give you a life of happiness and contentment. I would have loved to be your mama for life, but I understood that giving you the things that I could not provide at the time, were so much more important than trying to figure it out along the way. For me, it was important that you had a mom AND a dad, that you had no financial stresses to worry about. It was important that you had a mom who could stay at home with you, spoil you, hold you, and play with you whenever you needed it. It was important that you had everything that I would have wanted to give you and just was not in the best place in my life to do so.

What is special Andrew, is that I have been able to get my life together since that moment I said goodbye to you. I have been able to get on a great path and give back to others. I've been able to fall in love with a beautiful man who thinks you are just the most special 10 year old kid around.  I have been able to grow in Christ's love and deepen my relationship with God. I have been able to have a beautiful baby who is now your 1/2 brother and we are excited for you to meet him this summer. I have been able to be a special person in your life and you in mine. I thank God for your mom and dad, your baby brother, and you, everyday!!

Happy Birthday, Andrew! 10 years has flown by. What a pleasure it has been to see you grow over these 10 years. May God continue to bless you and keep you safe and happy. I love you always and forever!

In Love

I'm in love with this face forever!! What happiness and adventure you have brought to this home baby J. I just wanted to celebrate you with these beautiful pictures taken by our friend, Kristen. Looking forward to all the years ahead with you and our wonderful family! Mama loves you!!